Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Whatever happened to Dalek?

The Sun - Dalek cover
'News is always more trivial in the Sun'

With every rocket into the stratosphere is an inevitable fall back to earth and that is exactly the course that the star of both ‘Dalek and Borg’ the popular blogstrip and ‘Dr Who’ BBC’s flagship historical drama is set on.

Dalek first came to the public attention with an appearance in the second series of Channel 4’s smash hit reality game show ‘Big Brother’. Eventually winning in a dramatic finale which saw Dalek initially come second to a multi-sexual legal secretary, and then default to the winning position once Lindsey Hannity (25) from Brighton, East Sussex had been ‘EXTERMINATED’

It was not long after this that he secured the converted role of ‘super villain’ in the BBC’s re-imagining of Dr Who.

Heavily criticised in the press for the decision to cast a non-actor ex-reality TV star in such a prestigious role, the BBC justified the choice by claiming it was certainly better than sticking some has-been ex-pop tart in the part.

Dr Who went on to become a massive ratings grabber and Dalek was immediately propelled into the spotlight, a position Dalek readily accepted.

Good borg keeping
Borg - y'know, working, nothing serious, but working

However, it was never enough for Dalek, who mistakenly took the public attention for granted. A mistake he painfully came to realise when he was booed off stage at LIVE: 8 by a furious crowd who disapproved of both his suggestion of simply ‘EXTERMINATING’ the poor to solve the problem, and his refusal to similarly ‘EXTERMINATE’ popular ‘self-obsessed’ cat strangler, Dido.

During the now infamous post concert press conference, Dalek justified his decision to leave Dido alive, whilst happily ‘EXTERMINATING’ Bono, Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Elton, Coldplay and Robbie Williams,

“I am Dido’s biggest fan” he said, “All the most evil, twisted and criminally insane super-villains rate Dido. Although Coldplay does come a close second, but you have to draw a line somewhere”

dalek and smash3
The infamous 'couple' at London Premier in January

The following question was regarding the alleged affair between Dalek and faded TV advert star Smash Robot. Dalek became incensed at the suggestion that this was anything other than a close personal friendship, and began to ‘EXTERMINATE’ the amassed crowd of reports in his signature fashion.

Sacked by the bosses at BBC 1 for repeatedly appearing in the tabloid newspapers, drunk, violent and often rusty, Dalek found a new home as one half of the comedy double act, ‘Dalek and Borg’.

Successfully running for a number of months, it appeared all Dalek’s personal problems were behind him. That was until he had a expletive laden melt down live on air during a special appearance in the satirical talking point piece 'Your Mate Dave’.

your mate dalek MELTDOWN
NOT your mate Dalek, frankly.

Although Dalek’s exact whereabouts are currently unknown, there are rumours that Dalek and Borg are back together and are soon to relaunch the act in a new version of popular strip. Whether this ever sees the light of day, only time will tell.

2 Comments:

At 1:08 pm, Blogger malachi trizec said...

i have this little recurring nightmare of bono's hair continuing to live on even after the guy is dead

 
At 6:10 pm, Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ha ha! This is fantastic! And I'm only three years too late...

 

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